


Non Compliant

by JackNSallyGal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Breakup, F/M, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non magic AU, Polyamory, bipolar lily evans, reclaiming the word crazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-11-04 20:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10998408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackNSallyGal/pseuds/JackNSallyGal
Summary: It takes three hospitalizations in four months for her to throw in the towel, up and quit her job, pack up her entire life and move home.It feels like a free-fall.





	1. Prologue

Lily: I’m in the hospital and they’ve taken my pants

Dorcas: ?!? !!!! :((((  
Dorcas: wat

Lily: rough morning  
Lily: they’re low on rooms so I’m in the hall with no pants  
Lily: which is you know  
Lily: not ideal

Dorcas: can i come see u?  
Dorcas: do you want anything   
Dorcas: do not say pants

Lily: if you locate my dignity on your drive over plz return it to me

* * *

The backslide happens so it almost feels like it’s out of nowhere. One day she’s going to work, making meetings and going out to lunch with friends. And the next she’s trying to stave off panic attacks with the anti anxiety meds she hasn’t touched in years, yo-yoing between moods, and calling in sick more in a month than she has in the past two years.

It takes three hospitalizations in four months for her to throw in the towel, up and quit her job, pack up her entire life and move home.

It feels like a free-fall.


	2. The Gay Round Table

 Home is downtown Godric’s Hollow. Across from the library and a block away from the only traffic light in town, Lily pulls into the narrow driveway and grins when the front door is flung open before the car is even in park.

“Get over here,” Peter Pettigrew hollers, coming for her at a run.

Lily yanks the keys out of the ignition and tosses them aside. She’s laughing, nearly tripping out of the car and throwing open her arms when he gathers her into a hug, holding on tight the way she likes.

“You’ve been driving for, like, three days-“

“Six hours,” Lily interrupts, still hanging on.

“And yet you still look amazing,” Peter remarks, holding her at arm’s length. “How does that happen?”

“It’s all my time at the spa, I guess.”

Peter rolls his eyes at the joke before nodding his head in the direction of the car.

“Anything we need to bring in right away?”

“Nah, it can wait.”

Arm in arm, Peter leads Lily to the house she’ll now call home. The potted geraniums on the porch charm her nearly as much as the plush, homey furnishings inside. There’s a marked difference between the house when Mrs. Pettigrew was alive, with the doilies and raspberry carpeting, and now that Peter owns it.

Lily gets reacquainted by marveling at the work he’s done since she was here last. She remembers him telling her that he started work on it after Christmas, but between the new wood flooring and furniture and openness of the space, it’s like a whole new house.

“You took out an entire wall? This place is like something out of HGTV, Pete.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” he announces before ambling into the kitchen. “Something to drink? Eat?”

“Water for now, thanks.”

Lily curls up on the couch with her water and Peter drops into the chair across from her and in no time, they’re off, talking about what Lily needs to get settled and what Peter has coming up during the week. There isn’t much to catch him up on in terms of Lily recently hitting her limit with her mental health. He witnessed a lot of it, having driven down to visit as often as possible while she was in and out of the hospital and even helping her pack before the big move, along with Remus and Dorcas.

“I’m going to find a job,” Lily blurts once their conversation winds down and they begin the process of bringing her things inside. “I don’t know what but I’ll find something soon.”

“Please don’t stress about it. Lily, you know we're good here.”

“I don't want to take advantage-”

“You're not,” Peter says firmly. “Anyway, what’s the point of a trust fund if I can’t help out the people I love?”

Lily pauses to kiss him on the cheek, beyond grateful for his generosity, with money but more importantly his love and kindness, before hoisting a bag over her shoulder and following him back inside.

* * *

Lily knows even before the call comes that she can only avoid the gay round table for so long. But she’s only been back four days, still settling into the guest room and working through an existential crisis, when Marlene calls.

“Oh, Lily, it’ll be so nice to see you and catch up.”

Lily likes the idea of falling into bed and never getting up much better, thanks for asking, but she agrees to meet the table for coffee that night. In the meantime, she works on unpacking her life.

She starts with her clothes, hanging them up with a certain detachment. She does a lot of things that way these days. If Peter’s noticed, he’s been gracious enough not to comment on it. He cares for her the way he knows how; with too much homemade cooking and plenty of town gossip to distract from her own problems.

Her bras and underwear go in her dresser. There’s an assortment of photographs and mementos that she shoves in her nightstand, to be dealt with later.

Peter’s in the living room, waiting for Jeopardy! to come on and frowning at something on his tablet when she pops her head in.

“So, the gay round table finally got to me.”

Peter laughs and deposits his tablet on the coffee table to get a good look at her.

“You ready for them to descend?”

“I said yes to grabbing coffee, so I don’t have much of a choice. Need anything while I’m out?”

“Nah. I’m all set here. Have fun and report back with every detail?”

“I think I can manage that.”

Leaving Peter’s, Lily enjoys the quiet of Godric’s Hallow before summer starts. In a few weeks tourists will flock to the waterfront town making it impossible to get a bite to eat or buy staples at the grocery store without practically tripping over the newcomers including their wailing children.

For now the town is mostly quiet. At the stop light Lily passes the only grocery store, the town bar, and the hair salon, closed for the night. A block later she puts on her signal, out of habit rather than necessity at this time of night, and finds a spot behind Hope’s Diner.

Lily was hoping in the back of her mind that she could enter the diner and find her table without much fuss. Maybe a few nods here and there but more or less blending in with the town. That plan is shot to hell as soon as she opens the door and Hope Lupin all but dumps a pitcher of water into Mr. Patil’s lap in her haste to set it down and get to Lily.

“I was wondering when you’d wander in,” the diminutive brunette greets her warmly with a hug.

“I couldn’t stay away for too long,” Lily says around the lump in her throat.

When they part, Hope raises a hand to cup Lily’s cheek, assessing her with a mother’s knowing gaze before taking a step back and retrieving the pitcher.

“You look good, kid. We’ll talk later, okay? The girls are waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Lupin.”

Lily shrugs off her sweater as she moves through a sea of mostly familiar faces, nodding at a few and smiling, before she reaches the table by the window. Four smiling faces greet her, more or less unchanged since high school. Different haircuts and clothes, but the same brilliant smiles from the foursome.

“Lily!”

“Look at you.”

“Hey, red.”

“Pull up a chair.”

Mary Macdonald scoots closer to Emma Vanity while Emmeline Vance and Marlene McKinnon move their chairs, allowing Lily to take her place in the middle of the group. It’s a little overwhelming when they begin talking at once, asking how she’s been, how Peter’s doing, and how long she’ll be in town, and it takes a delicate throat clear from Marlene McKinnon for them to all fall silent.

“You look good, Lily.”

“Thanks, Mar.”

“It’s been too long since we’ve seen you last,” Marlene’s girlfriend, Mary, says warmly, and the sentiment is echoed by the others.

For the rest of the evening, Lily mostly sits back. Over several cups of coffee, she listens to all the goings on in their lives. There are internships, and various other achievements, peppered with tales of hookups gone wrong and other misfires.

Lily’s glad that she’s able to share in this, that she’s been invited back into this tightknit group even if she does feel a little out of place. In high school, when they’d sit together at lunch or meet up on the weekends, five girls with not much in common except not being straight in a small town, Lily would have plenty to contribute. They talked endlessly about everything from celebrity crushes to plans for the future.

As it stands now, she doesn’t have any funny stories that they don’t already know. At least not any she’d want to share during such lighthearted conversation.

They’re paying the bill when Emma offers to walk Lily to her car. Outside, there’s a lot of hugging with waves and promises to get together soon.

Once they’re alone Lily and Emma take their time crossing the parking lot. It’s Emma, with her hands jammed deeply into the pockets of her jeans, who breaks the silence.

“It really is good to see you.”

Lily regards her friend and ex with a soft smile. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?” Emma asks with a smile of her own.

“I’m not quite alright yet, but I’ll get there.”

“I know you will. And I just…you need anything, I don’t care what it is, all you have to do is ask, alright?”

Lily hugs the other woman in response. Emma, who is so tall and solid, holds Lily close, providing a dose of comfort she didn’t know she needed.

“Thanks, Em.”

* * *

“So, the gay round table got to you before I did, huh? Shameful.”

Remus, who splits his time between an internship and working shifts at his mother’s diner stops over a few days later with a bag of food from Hope, grinning as he explains that she nearly took his head off when he tried to sneak a fry from the bag.

Lily invites him in and they dump the food out on the bag on the kitchen table, splitting it like they’ve done it since they were kids.

“Looks like it. They filled me in on some of the local gossip. The Lovegood’s are expecting a little girl. Mrs. Meadowes is expanding her real estate gig. All very exciting.”

“And how was Emma? You know she’s still half in love with you, right?”

“Wrong,” Lily says, elbowing him as she reaches for a handful of fries. “That was years ago, come on.”

“Lily, I say this because you’re one of my closest friends, but you have absolutely no idea the effect you have on people. And I’m calling it, Emma’s still got a thing for you.”

“I don’t and she doesn’t,” Lily says with finality. “She was dating what’s-her-name not too long ago. The one on the soccer team with her.”

Remus waves that away before focusing back on drowning his burger in ketchup. “Yeah, but they broke things off after, like, a week. Old news.”

They go on that way for most of lunch, re-hashing news from the gay round table and the latest from Remus as he wraps up his semester and starts an internship at the local library. He’s been assigned the children’s section and will keep working for Hope because she needs him, but as an added bonus the tips are usually better in the summer.

“Do you think you’ll have any time to sleep?” Lily asks once she’s heard his summer plans.

“Nah,” he says with a slow grin. “Probably not, but I’ll need to save some money for school so it’ll be worth it.”

When his lunch break is over Lily walks him out and they linger together on the porch. It’s a beautiful day, sunny without the heat and humidity that’ll be rolling in in no time. It would be a perfect day for them to spend together doing nothing and lazing about near the pond or taking a drive through town, but Remus has a shift to finish, so they reluctantly say goodbye.

Remus hesitates as he gets closer to his car. He’s usually so forthright with her when he’s got something on his mind so it makes Lily frown.

“What is it?”

“I, uh, heard from James this morning.”

“Oh?”

“He’ll be back this summer, with Sirius no doubt. A few weeks from now.”

Lily feels her stomach drop and inwardly berates herself for the feeling.

“He usually…I thought they’d be traveling.”

“We all did. Change of plans, I guess.” Remus scuffs his shoe across the gravel before looking back up at her. “You going to be okay? I thought you’d want to know.”

“Hey, I’m good. It’s fine. Thanks for the heads up. And tell Hope thank you for the food for me.”

“Sure. I have to run, but say hi to Peter for me.”

Lily nods and Remus throws a wave her way before driving off, leaving her alone with her thoughts.


	3. June Past & Present

__**June, 3 years ago**  
  


_The lost summer, before everyone went away to college or whatever else awaited them, went like this._

_Lily wakes before the sun, which isn’t unusual when her mood is on an upswing. The unusual part, in this case, is the tapping at her bedroom window. She opens her blinds only to find Sirius Black, bracketed by the two bushes planted in front of her bedroom window, with a radiant smile._

_“You’re a menace,” Lily declares without any heat once she has her window open._

_“Come out and play.”_

_“At,” Lily glances over her shoulder, checking the clock on her nightstand. “Six in the morning? Really?”_

_“James has the truck. We’re going to dick around by the pond and watch the sun come up. Then we can force him to make us waffles or something, you know the drill.”_

_“Give me two seconds to find pants.”_

_“Pants are optional,” Sirius rushes out, nearly tripping over the words to get them out before she can close the window on him, causing them both to have to try to stifle their laughter to keep from being overheard._

_When they arrive at the Potter home, they bypass the house and meet James out back where the truck is already parked by the pond._

_“Glad you came,” James says when he catches sight of Lily._

_He’s standing next to the truck, hair wrecked, in shorts and a faded shirt, watching their approach with a fond smile. He holds a hand out and Lily takes it as she hoists herself into the back of the beat-up truck where blankets and pillows have been placed for their comfort._

_“Your boy here didn’t give me much of a choice,” Lily teases gently._

_Once they’re settled in, with Lily tucked between Sirius and James, Lily holds both palms up. She tries and fails to hide her smile when they each take her hand, threading their fingers together with a particular kind of quiet ease and affection._

* * *

**_July_ **

_Fourth of July celebrations are held at the Potter’s. Mr. and Mrs. Potter are out of town, allowing them to congregate and day drink until the fireworks and evening camp out. Everyone is there, with the gay round table on booze patrol, and Remus and Peter helping Lily and Sirius with preparing and setting up the food._

_James is at ease as host. He chats easily with Marlene and the others, helping them arrange a keg and other drinks donated to the cause by Emma’s charitable older sister. He teases Remus, his words too quiet for Lily to hear, but whatever is said makes Remus laugh and his cheeks redden, as they companionably get the grill going._

_Later, when the sun has gone down and everyone is congregated around the bonfire, Lily slips away, and locates Sirius and James by the table of food, with plates in their hands. She frowns when she catches bits of what sounds like an argument, and tries to back away before they catch sight of her._

_“No. We shouldn’t just tell her, half-cocked. Are you-“_

_“I want her to know! And why fucking wait?“_

_They spot her at the same time and both fall absolutely silent. For her part, Lily goes red and holds up both hands as she backs away._

_“I’ll just…go.”_

_“No,” Sirius says, shooting a look at James. “Wait.”_

_“It sounded like you two-“_

_“It was about you,” Sirius clarifies and James swears, ducking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose._

_“Sirius,” He warns._

_“We want to try something,” Sirius says calmly, clearly ignoring James’ ire._

_“What?” Lily asks, curiosity getting the better of her._

_“Like this,” Sirius explains._

_He moves forward, taking Lily’s hand in his own and pulling until she’s standing in front of James, who has finally stopped glaring at Sirius to look at Lily with an expression that is much too somber for her liking._

_“I’d like to kiss you,” James blurts and Lily laughs, but she doesn’t want him to think she’s laughing at him in a cruel way, more out of surprise than anything, so she brings that hand Sirius isn’t holding up to cup his cheek and closes the gap between them to brush her lips against his._

_James’ arm slides around her waist, slowly bringing her closer and deepening the kiss until they part, smiling at each other, still in each other’s space as fireworks from downtown light the sky._

_“Of course there’d be fireworks for your first kiss,” Sirius says, mock disgusted. “Typical.”_

_“What about ours?” Lily turns to him and asks before her brain can catch up with her mouth._

_Sirius’ mouth snaps shut and then Lily can practically see when his brain comes back online because he grins and it’s his turn to tug her close. They’re both smiling into the kiss, giddy, hearts thundering over the noise of the fireworks and they pull apart laughing._

_The trio is still laughing, smiling, hands entwined when they re-join their friends. They remain connected for the rest of the night, with Lily in Sirius’ lap, her hand loosely entwined with James’, feeling his thumb gently skate over her knuckles every so often as if to remind her of their connection._

_As if she could forget._

* * *

 

**_August_ **

_To Lily it feels like it falls apart before it can begin._

_They have a little over a month before conversations begin to center around classes, schedules and moving. Lily tries but she feels like she’s on the outside looking in, which is cemented when Sirius casually drops the fact that it’s assumed between the other two that she’ll be coming with them._

_They’re in the pond, Lily floating lazily while James and Sirius cram themselves into innertubes and chatter away nearby, when it comes out._

_“Chem will probably kill me because I don’t function before eight a.m.”_

_“At least you’ll have the rest of the day to hang out with Lily,” James comments, splashing Sirius a little. “I’ll have to suffer through afternoon classes while you two are getting into trouble together.”_

_They go back and forth, retaliating by splashing, while Lily frowns and swims closer._

_“Wait, what do you mean I’ll be there?”_

_“At our apartment,” Sirius clarifies, splashing James one last time. James flips him the finger, but he’s grinning._

_Lily, meanwhile, feels her stomach drop._

_“I’m not going with you.”_

_James and Sirius stop their halfhearted shoving to look at her._

_“We were going to ask,” he says shooting a look at Sirius. “Rather than just assume…”_

_“We want you with us, though,” Sirius adds. “We thought you’d want to get out of here as much as we do. Away from your parents-“_

_“I do,” Lily cuts him off. “But Remus and I are talking about getting a place. I’m not…I’m not ready to leave, not without a plan. That’s a big move and I don’t have the money-“_

_“But we do,” James says with the assurance of someone who’s never had to worry about money. “Lily, between the two of us, Sirius and I can cover it.”_

_“What if something happens, we break up? Where do I go?”_

_“We wouldn’t just throw you out,” James says, sounding shocked, mirroring the look on Sirius’ face._

_“It’s just…too much right now. You both have school, and I’m glad, but that’s not the path for me and I can’t…I can’t leave without having something of my own.”_

_“We can make something,” Sirius says fiercely. “Together. The three of us.”_

_The argument stalls and they pretend they’re fine until they’re very much not, once Sirius and James prepare to leave, together, as a couple, without Lily._

_“This doesn’t have to change anything,” James tells her when they’re saying goodbye._

_“I would disagree,” Lily says quietly, trying to ignore the hurt looks on their faces as she gives them a kiss on the cheek for their sendoff._

_It’s not supposed to change but there’s still tension from the arguing they’ve done over what’s best for everyone and it’s easier, once they’re away, for the trio to fall out of contact. They become a duo, James and Sirius against the world, and Lily wonders if that’s the way it was meant to be all along._

* * *

**June, Present**

Lily’s trip to the pharmacy is part supply run part covert op. She pulls into the crowded lot and sits for longer than necessary staring at the Potter’s Pharmacy sign and hating her entire life. It’s dramatic and really, there’s a good chance she won’t even run into Mrs. Potter, who owns and runs the place, but just the off chance that she will makes her stomach hurt.

“Okay, so, we’re doing this,” Lily murmurs, finally throwing open the door and stepping out into the warmth of the May afternoon.

Inside, Lily wanders past the rows of cards and medical supplies, takes a turn by the romance novel display only to find a sizeable line at the pickup window. She takes her place in line, a little thrown off when the man in front of her turns, catches sight of her and positively beams at her.

“Miss Evans, my goodness I heard you would be gracing us with your presence.”

“Hello, Mr. Slughorn,” she greets her high school chemistry teacher. “How are you?”

They chat for another few minutes until the line moves up and he’s able to say a fond goodbye and leave with his prescriptions, which leaves Lily at the head of the line, face to face with James Potter’s mother.

“Lily, what can I do for you?”

 _Ideally, the ground will swallow me whole and we won’t have to have this conversation_ , Lily thinks. _No? Okay._

“Hi, Mrs. Potter. I need, um, four prescriptions.”

The older woman begins typing something into the computer, fingers flying. When she looks away from the screen, James’ eyes stare back at her, and it’s so unnerving she wants to drop everything and run screaming. Instead, she finishes the transaction, paying and saying a quick goodbye before all but running to the safety of her car.

She’s breathing deeply, in through her nose out through her mouth, staving off a panic attack with her head tilted back with her eyes screwed shut when a gentle tap sounds on the driver’s side window. Lily practically gets whip lash; her head comes down so fast and once again she’s meeting the even gaze of Mrs. Potter, only this time it’s tinged with worry.

“You left your card,” the other woman says, handing it over when Lily gets the window down.

“Oh, uh, thank you.”

There’s a moment of stillness between them as Mrs. Potter frowns, searching Lily’s face.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Sure. Just…a little tired. Thank you, again.”

“Of course. Take care, Lily.”

Lily manages not to break every traffic law in Godric’s Hollow in her rush to get out of there, but she might come close.

* * *

“Nope, we are not watching the new Apprentice,” Peter remarks later that night around the spoon in his mouth.

“Ew,” Lily adds, from where she’s curled up next to him, holding a dish of his vanilla ice cream like a goblin hoarding treasure.

There’s some scrambling for the remote before Peter grabs it, wildly punching the buttons until Martha Stewart’s face flashes on screen and they both relax a little.

“Cooking show good?”

“Much better.”

Lily’s phone rings while Martha Stewart is explaining, step by step, the perfect summer salad. She digs her cell out of her pants pocket, glancing briefly at the caller id, and finds herself smiling when she answers.

“Hey, Doe.”

“Sorry I’m calling so late.”

“Nah, all good. I’m still up and about. What’s up?”

“Not too much. Mom has a business proposal for you,” Dorcas laughs, a quiet, familiar huff. “Her words, not mine. She’s wondering if you’d like to be on turn around duty for the cottages this summer. Freshen them up when guests leave. Not bad pay considering she’s notoriously cheap.”

“I’ll think about it and stop by tomorrow to see her,” Lily answers, absentmindedly stirring the melting ice cream in the bowl. “How’s that?”

“Perfect. Settling in okay there?”

“I am. Peter’s been spoiling me with his cooking,” Lily replies, reaching to dig her toe into his thigh, getting a laugh and gentle swat to her calf in response.

“Good. As it should be. I’m missing you around here, but I have some time off coming to me. I’ll try to drive out sometime this summer.”

They hang up after a few more minutes of catching up and Lily goes back to watching TV pretending to be absorbed in Martha frying chicken to perfection, while her mind is miles away.

Despite an array of health issues, Lily likes the idea of a job. She needs the money, having blown through most of her savings getting to appointments and making this move. Plus, she’ll be able to contribute to expenses so Peter isn’t essentially funding her entire life, which would go a long way to ease her mind.

The fact that it’s something solitary where she doesn’t have to worry about co-workers or any stress beyond cleaning bathrooms and kitchens to Mrs. Meadowes’ lofty standards is a bonus. Admittedly, she can’t handle a lot right now, but this? It’s a start.

When Lily meets with Mrs. Meadowes the next day, she seems genuinely pleased that Lily’s said yes. She gets a brisk hug and a calendar with the dates she’ll be needed scrawled in the other woman’s neat script. Lily tucks it away and finds herself grinning on the way back to the car.

* * *

Lily’s got a list, courtesy of her psychiatrist, of things she should be doing to better her mental health. The fact that number seven is yoga written with _a smiley face_ next to it kind of sums up exactly how she feels about the list, but she’s willing to give it a shot even though she had a whole speech for her psychiatrist planned about the likelihood of her doing yoga of all things when she’s too depressed to even manage a shower or too manic to focus, but she’d been a groggy mess her last appointment and hadn’t gotten around to it.

Even therapy is a long shot. Lily’s tried it before, a handful of times. Each time she resents having to go through the motions of explaining the basics of who she is, only to find out they aren’t compatible for one reason or another. There was the therapist who tried to be sneaky about some weird kind of conversion therapy when she found out Lily was bisexual. And the male therapist who had a habit of veering into detailed questions about Lily’s sex life whenever her romantic relationships came up.

As expected, this time is no different and kind of a nightmare.

Fresh off her conversation with Mrs. Meadowes, Lily shows up to her appointment feeling hopeful. Her therapist is an older blonde woman named Sharon. She has an intense smile that is unintentionally off-putting to Lily, a little too keen when Lily’s living the groggy and fuzzy life thanks mostly to her medication.

They settle in together in a room that screams _Please talk to me_ with tissues on the coffee table for mid-session breakdowns, lots of spindly plants, and throw pillows littering the couch.

“Lily,” Sharon leans toward Lily once they’re seated. “What brings you to therapy?”

“My psychiatrist thought it was a good idea,” Lily admits. “I’m being treated for Bipolar disorder and anxiety. Talk therapy is recommended, so.”

Sharon nods. “It’s great that you’re so committed to treatment. I thought we’d start with a few questions on your intake form.”

“Sure.”

“There were a few sections you left blank,” Sharon remarks, glancing briefly at the sheet of paper she’s plucked off her desk. “Including sexuality, abuse history…”

Lily kind of checks out at that point. Sharon continues, undeterred, as Lily’s anxiety roars to life.

“I left those blank on purpose,” Lily finally manages.

“Was there a reason? These forms are just part of protocol-“

“I’m bisexual,” Lily says and it comes out too loud in the relatively small space. “And I’m a survivor. And I don’t think that’s relevant to my first session.”

Sharon’s eyebrows draw together and suddenly Lily imagines the other woman practicing this very look of concern in front of the mirror before her sessions.

“Are you ashamed of either of those things, Lily? Is that something you’d like to talk about more over the course of therapy? I’ve treated gay people before, those who are dissatisfied with their orientation.”

“No,” Lily tries to sound firm. “It’s not an issue. Neither of those things are.”

“No? I think-“

“Actually, I think,” Lily says slowly. “I’m done.”

“Done? We still have-“

“No,” Lily gets to her feet, feeling shaky and a little overwhelmed. “We don’t. This isn’t going to work and I’m going to,” she gestures uselessly toward the door, all but throwing it open in her haste to get out of the room.

She staves off a panic attack in the parking lot, taking deep breaths and closing her eyes. She listens to the rush of traffic and occasional bird song for a few minutes until her hands are steady enough that she can find her phone, wading through the crap in her purse to get to it.

She scrolls through her contacts and frowns at the screen for an entire minute before making the call.

“Lily?”

Sirius’ voice is so hesitant, Lily feels an odd combination of guilt and relief, both so strong she has to take a minute to sit on the curb.

“Hey. Sorry. Sorry for…”

 _Sorry for bugging you. Sorry for staying away so long. Sorry for fracturing what felt like family_. She doesn’t know which one to pick and feels tears well in her eyes.

“Don’t be. It’s just,” it’s Sirius’ turn to pause and when he speaks next, his voice is unsteady. “Good to hear from you. So good.”

Lily swipes at both eyes with the heel of her hand, shakes her head for being ridiculous and rushes to end the call.

“Pete told me you have finals-“

“Last one today.“

“Don’t want to bug you. Good luck, okay?”

She hangs up and flings her phone in her bag like it’s burned her, before getting to her feet and making her way back to her car.

* * *

Peter knows something’s off as soon as he gets home from work. Lily tries to be upbeat and ask about his day and he goes for it, but she knows he’s concerned when, unprompted, he pulls out the container of homemade ice cream and fudge sauce.

“Do you need ice cream therapy?”

“No therapy of any kind, ever, actually,” Lily says with a grimace.

They end up on the couch together. Between the clinking of spoons, Lily tells Peter about Sharon, who didn’t do anything concrete that she can put into words other than push when Lily tried to assert her boundaries.

“It was stupid, but I’ve had too many bad therapists to let a new one push me on things I don’t want to talk about.”

“Absolutely. She works for and with you, Lily, and it isn’t stupid to leave because she was pushy. You did what felt right and I’m glad for that.”

“My psychiatrist is going to be all judgmental about me throwing in the towel but honestly? Fuck therapy.”

“And fuck Sharon, in particular,” Peter adds and Lily manages a watery laugh.

They make dinner together, which mostly means that Lily sits at the counter, watching and keeping Peter company as he whips up a pasta dish that smells heavenly. Between the food and company, Lily finds herself feeling better as the night goes on, but she’s still wiped from the day and her medication, and calls it an early night.

Lily wakes sometime later to the sound of voices coming from the living room. She sits up, feeling groggy and vaguely panicked as the voices get louder.

“You’re a lunatic, you know that?”

“Look, she sounded bad on the phone and you’re the one who-“

“I thought you knew! And since you didn’t, you should really-“

“Peter, please…”

Lily stumbles upon Sirius and Peter in a heated discussion and can’t decide if she wants to beat a hasty retreat to her room or put herself between them. She’s so startled by the sight of them nearly at each other’s throats that she does neither and instead stands staring as the argument goes on in front of her.

Conversation comes to a screeching halt when they catch sight of her and it gives Lily a moment to look Sirius over now that he’s not in Peter’s face.

It’s been years since she’s seen him in person, or spoken to him, aside from an occasional birthday or Christmas greeting. He looks wrecked, his hair longer and more mussed than she’s ever seen it, his clothes wrinkled. Paired with the tentative expression he’s wearing as he looks at her, Lily feels like she might as well be looking at a stranger.

“Hey. Sorry it took so long-”

And then just as quickly the feeling evaporates and Lily is across the room, throwing her arms around him. Sirius stumbles back with the force of her hug but rights himself and gathers her up. He holds her with one arm and cups the back of her head with the other and Lily all but melts into the embrace, grateful beyond words to have him here.

“Sorry it took so long to get to you.”

“What are you doing here? You had a final.”

“Finished it and drove here,” Sirius tells her when they part.

His earlier hesitancy is gone and he looks fond and as mischievous as ever when he tugs the end of her hair the way James has so many times that she feels adrift all over again.

“You cut your hair.”

“You grew yours out,” she points out

Peter is watching them carefully. Lily can only imagine the mixed signals she’s giving, based on her own emotional whiplash so she takes Peter’s hand in hers, looks him in the eye when she says, “Thank you. We’re good here, though.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“In that case, I’ll, ah, give you some privacy?”

He grabs his coat off the hook by the door, swipes his keys off the kitchen counter and makes a hasty retreat, closing the front door quietly behind him when he leaves.

“He was trying to protect you from me,” Sirius says in the sudden silence, shaking his head. “I never thought…”

“It wasn’t like that, Sirius. I just…it’s been a long day.”

“Long few months?” he supplies.

Lily leads him to the couch before answering. They settle in together and Lily’s struck by how wonderfully strange it is to be in each other’s space again.

“Did Peter tell you? About the hospitals and everything?”

“Yeah. But only because he thought I knew, after I told him about our phone call.”

“Then yeah. Rough couple of months, I guess.”

Sirius clears his throat, stares down at his hands. “Is there anything…can I do anything?”

“No, but it is…it’s good to see you. Really good.”

Sirius shifts closer, covers her hand with his own so he can slowly thread their fingers together. Lily feels a little bit of his warmth seep into her and flushes at the contact. They sit that way for a few minutes until Sirius breaks the silence.

“James is coming back for the summer.”

“So I heard.”

“He wants…” Sirius starts, but stops, catching sight of her expression.

“You might as well tell me now,” Lily says, forcing a laugh.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want instead. Lily, if you don’t want to see him, or us I guess, he said he won’t come.”

“You two were supposed to be traveling,” she reminds him.

“There’s always next summer,” Sirius says lightly.

“Sirius…”

“Lily, what kind of shitheads fuck off to Europe when one of their closest friends might need them? Does that sound like us?”

“I don’t know if I can stand seeing you together,” Lily admits quietly. “I…want to try, though. If you and James want to be here this summer, I’d like…shit, I don’t know. I want to try.”

 _I just want my family back_ goes unsaid, but knowing Sirius, he picks up on it anyway.

“Okay. If you’re sure, he’ll be back later this week, once his finals are over.”

Lily’s not so sure of anything, but Sirius is there, holding her hand and trying feels more than worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, to be 18 and in love with your friends, right?
> 
> Anyway! Please let me know if I should update any tags. I'm trying to stay on top of things but I might miss something? so suggestions are welcomed. (Also I fudged the date for the Apprentice premiere but I didn't think anybody would care? If you care, I'm v sorry)
> 
> Thanks so much for the response so far. Comments really keep me going and I love talking to y'all.


	4. Potter

“Why exactly are we doing this?” Peter asks while Lily paces the length of the kitchen.

It’s a gorgeous day, full sun and mid-seventies with no humidity to speak of. The windows and doors are thrown open, letting in a balmy breeze that seems to touch every corner of the house, announcing the arrival of summer.

“We’re ripping off the Band-Aid,” Lily reminds him, bringing her hand up to her mouth to gnaw at her thumb nail. “Well, at least I am, anyway.”

“We can still cancel, you know. Tell everyone there’s been a change of plans and they can fuck off.”

Lily’s tempted, but before she can give her opinion either way the back door opens. Remus pops his head in first, with Emma and the other members of the gay round table in tow. There’s a flurry of hugging and chatter as they descend upon the kitchen with hugs and whatever they’ve brought for the cookout.

“I’ve got drinks,” Remus announces.

“We have food that needs to be refrigerated,” Emma adds, holding up a dish of fruit salad. “Any room, Peter?”

Peter gives Lily a last, _We can still kick them all out_ related look before taking over his duties as host and making room in the fridge for the various dishes provided by the gay round table.

“You okay?” Remus asks once their alone.

“I feel like I might puke?” Lily admits. “But other than that, perfect. Never better.”

“Hey,” Remus places a hand lightly on her back, rubbing soothing circles. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

Lily’s not so sure, but appreciates the contact and his steady presence anyway.

Ripping off the Band-Aid goes like this.

Once the food and drinks have been sorted and Peter has been gently teased about the presence of Gideon Prewett, who shows up with shitty beer and the kind of smile that makes everyone present a little weak in the knees, most of all Peter who can’t stop blushing, James and Sirius arrive.

They’re holding hands, and Lily’s the first one to catch sight of them because, no matter how much time passes, she seems to have this radar, a curse more than a gift at this point, that allows her to pick them out of any crowd without really trying.

Next she notices that the pair still look so perfect together. James, who is still tall and lean and frighteningly handsome with his ridiculous hair and lazy smile, has a six-pack tucked under his arm, while Sirius who’s just said something to make him laugh is wearing a smirk of his own, while carrying a white box one handed.

They catch sight of her and freeze as a pair. Lily does her best to smile, she thinks it’s a smile anyway as she excuses herself from her conversation with Marlene and Mary to approach them.

“Dessert?” she guesses, gesturing to the white box.

Sirius nods but makes no moves to hand it over. “Show us where to put our stuff?”

“Sure.”

Once they’re inside and the cake and beer are set aside, James blurts, “Sirius told me not to be weird.”

“Which you’re totally blowing, by the way,” Sirius points out, taking James’ hand in his own once more in a gesture that appears to soothe the other man.

“I just…” James fumbles and Lily takes pity on him, putting one hand on his arm, which tenses before relaxing.

“What?”

James leans in, slowly, telegraphing his movements so Lily can put a stop to it. But she allows him to place a quick kiss to her forehead and before he can back away, she takes his hand in hers, carefully threading their fingers together.

“I’ve missed you,” she admits, quietly. “Both of you.”

“We’re here now,” James tells her. “We’re not going anywhere if you don’t want us to.”

“Thank you for inviting us today,” Sirius says, and they all manage to pretend they aren’t wiping their eyes on their sleeves as they let go of each other’s hands.

“Of course. I just want,” Lily gestures vaguely. “I want us all to be okay.”

“Done,” James remarks and Lily feels at ease for the first time all day.

The cookout goes off without a hitch after that. Lily spends most of the evening with Sirius and James, still feeling that flutter of uncertainty whenever they hold hands or share one of their long looks, taking the time to catch up.

She has a few beers and kicks back by the fire, listening to stories about school and work, grateful they don’t ask what she’s been up to. There’s too much ground to cover with missed opportunities and mistakes and her shitty health. All of it too heavy for their first meeting in years. Which is why she’s so glad they don’t go there. Until, of course, they do.  

“I worked as a secretary. Lived with Dorcas in a shitty apartment, nothing thrilling.”

They both seem to digest the brush off and conversation, blessedly, turns to other things.

At the end of the night, James invites Lily to accompany him on his morning run the next day. Lily hasn’t gone for a run in ages, thanks to a variety of factors including her shitty mental health, but she agrees, hoping she can get back into the swing of things again.

The night winds down in normal fashion, with the group sorting out designated drivers and saying sloppy goodbyes with too many hugs and promises to get together soon. Lily only manages a vague goodbye to James and Sirius, feeling a little too tender after spending so much time with them in one sitting for all the hugging and goodbye fanfare.

“So,” Peter asks once they’re back inside and Gideon’s gone to the bathroom, leaving them alone. “Not too awful, right?”

“I’ve had worse,” Lily admits, unable to control what she knows is a silly smile over how well the evening went overall.

“You three are going to be trouble again,” Peter announces, slurring a little from the beers he put away. “I just know it.”

* * *

In the end, the run is only partially miserable. Lily is used to being awake at five thanks to what feels like encroaching mania. What she is not used to is huffing and puffing and sweating alongside James Potter, who is smiling and chatty like she is not suffering.

“…and Sirius had no clue.”

“Huh,” Lily wheezes.

“You alright, Evans?”

“Fi…ne. I’m fine. Why…wouldn’t I…be?”

James gently tugs her arm in response so they’re walking in the shade, slowly, side by side.

“Here,” he thrusts his water bottle at her because Lily had been an absolute tool and decided not to bring one.

She finishes it off in one great gulp and James waves away her apologies over not leaving any for him. Instead of finishing the last mile at a run, they walk together through the park, enjoying the general quiet and full sun.

They’re mostly silent as they wind along the bike path, until they reach Lake Street and near the Potter home. He doesn’t say anything, but Lily can practically hear James’ thoughts, he appears to be thinking so loud. The sunny, easy disposition from earlier is gone and Lily wrestles with whether to address it before lifting a hand to tug lightly on the sleeve of his shirt.

“What’s going on in that big head of yours?”

“Big,” he squawks, immediately lunging for her in attempt to get her in a head lock under his sweaty armpit.

Lily does some squawking of her own and bats him away, only mild surprised when the attempts at shoving one another end in holding hands. It’s almost laughable the way they come together so easily, still both a little breathless from the laughing and shoving as they walk hand in hand along the sunlit path.

It’s almost perfect, Lily thinks, swamped suddenly with guilt.

“Potter,” Lily says calmly, and she hopes her voice doesn’t betray the fact that her heart has lodged itself in her throat at the innocent contact.

“Would you like to come in for breakfast?”

“That’s it? That’s what you were thinking so hard about?”

“Didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with it. I know Sirius would like to see you, though. And I’d like you to.”

“I stink,” Lily points out, gesturing at her sweaty shirt with the hand not holding his.

“There are ways around that,” James teases. “Like showering. That’s a thing.”

Lily hates to break the teasing mood, but has to ask, “Will your parents be there?”

“Nah. They’re gone for the weekend.”

They end up back at the Potter house a few minutes later and as soon as Lily steps inside, she’s swamped with memories. She remembers her first kiss, technically kisses, by the pond, the various birthday parties, all of it. So, she’s a little distracted when James leads her into the kitchen where Sirius is still in his pajamas, grumbling in the general direction of the coffee pot.

“…no good piece of shit-“

“We have company,” James announces, ending Sirius’ mumbled tirade, and Lily hurriedly drops his hand like she’s been scalded.

James frowns at the loss of contact while Sirius startles, turning to face them.

“Lily,” he grips his now full mug and smiles at the pair of them as they come to stand at the island in the center of the kitchen. “Hey. How was the run?”

“The first mile wasn’t so bad. By the second I felt like I was dying,” she admits.

Sirius grimaces and James comes around the island to steal his cup of coffee. “We had a good walk, though. The park is actually nice without all the tourists.”

“They’ll be out in full force today,” Sirius says with a grimace. He steals the mug away from James, only to hand it over to Lily who takes a sip without thinking. “It’s supposed to be hot.”

“Speaking of,” Lily says, placing the mug abruptly on the counter. “Is it okay if I shower? Potter here tried to kill me and it worked up a sweat.”

“Of course.”

“Let me grab you some clothes,” Sirius offers.

After a quick shower and breakfast with minimum weirdness, Lily arrives back home only to have Peter immediately descend to give her the third degree.

“You’re wearing new clothes,” he points out, almost gleeful at the sight of the shirt with Potter on the back of it, clearly from their high school days.

“Don’t make a thing out of it. This is not a thing,” Lily vows. “I had breakfast with them, but I was smelly so I took a shower.”

“Alone…?” Peter asks, sounding disappointed and full out cackles when Lily hurls a dish towel at his head.

“Yes, alone, nosey. You want to tell me about Gideon spending the night or is this a one-way interrogation?”

Peter blushes and stares down at his phone like his life depends on his ability to avoid eye contact. “We had a, um, nice time. Case closed.”

“You had a nice time? Or you,” Lily waggles her eyebrows and looks ridiculous doing so, “Had a _nice_ time?”

And then it’s Peter’s turn to throw a wadded-up napkin in the general vicinity of her head.

* * *

The morning runs become a thing. It starts out much like the first one; grueling and bordering on torture, with Lily calling it quits by the second mile. Eventually, her body adapts so she’s the one chattering on about just about everything under the sun while they make their way through town together.

Sometimes at the end they head back into town to meet up with the others for breakfast at Hope’s Diner. Emma and Remus are guaranteed to be there, saving them the early birds table, while Sirius stumbles in last, looking sleep-rumpled and a little grumpy. Other times they end up at Peter’s. With him at work already, it’s just the three of them moving around the kitchen, throwing together something that resembles breakfast with the radio on low and laughter flowing easily between them.

The last week in June, Lily and James are on their last mile when the clouds that have been looming overhead all morning open. It’s a downpour and at first Lily can do nothing but laugh as James tries to wipe the wetness off his glasses. She takes his hand, jerking her head in the direction of Peter’s place, which is closer to where they are currently.

By the time they get to Peter’s they’re soaked. Thunder crashes overhead and James puts a warm, steadying hand on her arm briefly before dropping it. The rain hasn’t let up and Lily’s so drenched it’s a struggle getting her keys out her pocket and into the lock.

“Lily,” James halts her efforts, and she turns to face him with a questioning look.

It’s anyone’s guess who moves first but suddenly Lily’s back is pressed against the front door. They collide, none too gently and then James kisses her and it’s game over. Lily shivers from the feel of them pressed together, chest to chest, both soaked from the rain. His hand comes up to cup her cheek and the gesture is so sweet, light and perfect to combat the wildness humming through her, that she finds herself smiling into the kiss.

The next crack of thunder makes Lily freeze, has her pushing against James’ chest and blinking drowsily as he instantly takes one step back, then another.

“No,” she says, bringing a shaking hand up to touch her lips.

“Lily-“

She ignores him, turning her back on him as she fumbles with her keys and then damning them to hell when her shaking hands won’t cooperate.

“Wait. Hey, hold on-“

“What we just did,” Lily points out, facing him once more. “Was unforgivable. You…You’re with Sirius and, fuck. I can’t do that to him-“

“Stop panicking. Lily, two seconds. I just need two seconds to explain-“

“What is there to explain? Jesus, he trusts us and we-“

“We want to date you, damn it!” James rushes out, speaking over her.

Lily stops dead, nearly dropping her keys as she stares at James who is looking almost humorously soggy and put out.  They stand like that for a few beats, Lily still feeling too stunned to attempt to open the door, when James gently approaches and hip checks her so he can take over.

“Let me explain. And if you don’t like it you can tell me to fuck off, and I will. Is that fair?”

“Fair,” Lily mumbles, following him when he pushes the door open.

The first order of business is gathering towels and dry clothes. Lily grabs the first thing she finds from Peter’s dresser and a towel from the linen closet and shoves it none too gently at James, still reeling a little.

“We change,” she manages. “And then talk. Lots of talking from you.”

James fails to smother his smile, simply nods and wanders into the bathroom while Lily flees into her bedroom. She changes and towel dries her hair on autopilot, equal parts ready to re-join James while also considering fleeing the country to get away from this conversation.

In the end, she joins him in the kitchen where he’s making tea. He hands her a mug and Lily plops herself down on a stool at the island, gesturing for him to get on with it.

“Sirius and I…we talked,” James starts.

“About kissing me..?”

“About trying to do this again. The three of us. We were waiting for the right time to ask, but we’ve been doing fine without the conversation so we thought it could wait.”

“Is he going to be mad?” Lily asks, sounding as anxious as she feels about the whole thing.

“No. We decided if anything happened, it would be okay. If it happened between you and him, or me and you. And if nothing happened, that was okay, too. If you don’t want to-“

“James, I’m a mess.” Lily blurts.

“Okay, so you’re a mess.”

“I’m broke. My parents don’t know I’m back, or at least they probably do, but I haven’t seen them. My mental health is complete bullshit. I’m a mess and you and Sirius…”

“Like we’re not messy, too? Sirius has dead uncle guilt money and an appalling family, and I have daddy issues because…well, you’ve met my dad. We are who we are, Lily. And it just so happens that we’re both in love with you. Mess and all.”

“You can’t just say that kind of thing,” Lily mutters, feeling her emotions come roaring to the surface thanks to not only his words but the way he’s looking at her, like he means it.

“Sorry, Evans. But, look. Now you know. And if you’re not interested, all good.”

“You mean that?”

“I told you, we talked. If you’re not interested, we’re still here, however you want us.”

“And if I am?”

“Then all we can do is try. We tried it once and it fell apart because we were young and stupid.”

“We’re still young,” Lily points out.

“And probably a little stupid. But we know better now. We can do better.”

Lily thinks about that, nods. “Can I just…I need time. I need to think.”

“Take all the time you need.”

“Liar,” Lily laughs. “You’re the most impatient person on the planet.”

“Some things take time,” James says with a smile. “And we’re willing to wait.”


	5. The Trio

Manic Lily decides she can’t be tied down.

The same Lily who is sleeping only two to four hours max and making plans in her head to go to school, backpack through Europe, and take up embroidery, all at the same time, decides she’s still stable and in control and flees Godric’s Hollow for the city she left behind. Once Peter’s left for work, Lily jams a change of underwear and her toothbrush in her purse, and hits the road.

The drive is almost soothing. The familiar roads, with the windows open and the radio blaring, all seem so right at this moment. She doesn’t have to face the confusion and fear of trying again with Sirius and James if they’re miles and miles behind her. She doesn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone else, herself included, if she just looks forward.  

So that’s exactly what she plans to do.

* * *

The tricky thing is that by the afternoon, Lily’s not feeling so well.

Her energy and excitement last about as long as the drive, but once she uses her spare key to get into the apartment she once shared with Dorcas, she finds herself locked in the bathroom, crying her eyes out.

 She feels hollowed out from the inside of everything that makes her who she is. Sitting on the grubby tile floor, Lily tries to remember what the high from earlier felt like, the freedom and abandon, and comes up empty.

 “Hello?” Dorcas calls out and Lily realizes she’s been in this bathroom, on the floor, frozen in panic for hours now. “Lily?”

“In here. Just a second.” Lily replies, hurrying to the sink to splash water on her face.

“Is everything alright?” Dorcas asks as soon as Lily shows her face, and she’s very aware the water did little to hide the fact that she’s been crying.

“I’m so sorry, Dorcas, for showing up like this.”

“No, hey, it’s fine. You have the key for a reason, right? Let’s sit down. I’ll make tea.”

With Lily settled in the living room, Dorcas bustles around the kitchen, putting the kettle on and keeping up a steady stream of one sided conversation about work and all the little things Lily’s missed. She doesn’t ask outright why Lily’s in her apartment, having spent the past few hours clearly coming unglued, but Lily feels she owes her an explanation.

“I, uh, stopped taking my meds.” She remarks after a sip of tea.

“Oh?” Dorcas responds, doing her best to remain neutral in the face of what was clearly a disastrous idea.

“And now I’m having an episode, and I just…can’t stand to have the others see me like this.”

“So, you came here because…” Dorcas prompts, sounding genuinely curious.

“Because you’ve seen me at my worst, and I figured this was it.”

“You can always come to me.” Dorcas takes Lily’s hand, squeezing it gently, and that’s all it takes for the tears to start again. “Okay? I’m glad you did.”

“Dorcas, I keep fucking up.”

The truth isn’t anything grand or dramatic but sitting with Dorcas, who patiently holds her hand and makes more tea when they run out, Lily realizes how terrified she is to actually let her other friends see what it means for her to be sick.

It was easier when she lived with Dorcas and only saw the others a handful of times a year, to hide. But being back in Godric’s Hollow now, living with Peter and potentially getting back together with James and Sirius means letting them in and seeing the mess; everything from bouts of manic energy to cycling into irritability and depression, up close and personal.

There’s a difference, to Lily, between the people she loves knowing she’s sick and seeing her mess of symptoms up close and trying to love her despite them, and that difference is nothing short of terrifying.

“I don’t know if I can face them like this.” Lily admits, wiping at her already blotchy face.

“Do you want advice or comfort?” Dorcas offers. “Or both. I can do both.”

“Both, please.”

“One option is that you come live here again, which you’re welcome to. We pack up your things and bring you back and you go back to your job.”

“And back in the hospital, most likely.” Lily adds softly, knowing beyond a doubt she can’t work those kinds of hours again for some time.

“That.” Dorcas agrees. “Or we take you back to Peter’s, back to the others just to try and see if you’re better off than you were here. Because that’s all you can do at this point, Lily, is try.”

“I’m scared.” Lily admits with a watery laugh.

“I know. But just in case you had any doubts, Peter and the two nerds who you happen to be in love with have been blowing up my phone looking for you. And the only reason Remus hasn’t is because he was the only one to guess where you were.”

“I don’t think they can love me like this.” Lily tells Dorcas.

“I’m not trying to say you’re wrong or anything, but I do think you’re underestimating them.”

In the end, Dorcas places the call for Lily. Feeling like a coward, Lily curls up on the couch paying absolutely no attention to whatever’s on TV while Dorcas asks Peter to pass along that Lily is safe and sound and staying the night with her.

Lily almost loses it again later that night when she turns her phone on and sees a string of heart emojis from Sirius and two voicemails from James. She also has three texts from Peter, and one from Remus and she’s suddenly so tired she turns her phone off again, this time without any guilt, and easily falls asleep by eight.

 

* * *

 

“I stopped taking it because it made me hungry and shaky, without helping the depression.”

“And how are you feeling now?”

“I think.” Lily says carefully. “I’m having a mixed episode. Irritable, no sleep and hypomanic in the morning and depressed and crying by the afternoon.”

The next afternoon, Lily has an emergency appointment with her psychiatrist. The relationship between the two can be described as combative at best, but since he’s the only psychiatrist within thirty miles of Godric’s Hollow, she makes do.

He’s looking at her now like she’s personally responsible for every gray hair on his head.

“You know stopping medication suddenly-“

“Ill advised.” Lily nods. “Yes, I know. And I’m sorry.” She rushes out to placate him.

“Where do we go from here, Lily?”

Lily is simultaneously glad he asked and dreads answering the question. She fidgets a little in her chair, eyeing his array of degrees on the wall as a brief distraction.

“I’m, um, willing to try another mood stabilizer. I know…I’m trying to adjust to the idea of being tired and whatever else in exchange for an even mood.”

“The side effects are giving you pause, then.”

“Yes.” Lily admits, leaning forward in her chair. “Look, I don’t know how it is for other people, but when I take some of these med cocktails, I end up lethargic and out of it, like I’m not even me, which is off-putting to say the least.”

He surveys her from behind his glasses for a few moments, and like a sudden game of med chicken, Lily refuses to look away first. He breaks eventually, staring down at his laptop as he lets out a breath and types out a few notes.

“We’ll try something new, okay? And if any side effects crop up, you call me and we’ll adjust. Sound fair?”

 “Definitely, yes.”

* * *

Lily returns to Peter’s after her appointment, feeling mostly sheepish when he holds open the door, taking her in from head to toe as if checking that she’s in one piece.

“You scared me.” He admits, pulling her into a fierce hug. “When you didn’t come home, I thought…”

“I’m sorry, Pete.”

His eyes are damp when he lets go, but he quickly wipes them away, gesturing toward the kitchen. “You’re forgiven.” He says, pulling a face that earns a laugh from her. “Also, I made lunch.”

“If by made you mean I slaved over it, then, sure. Pete made lunch.” Remus calls from the kitchen.

Remus gives her a one-armed hug and kiss on the cheek before steering her toward the table, which is piled with food from Hope’s.

“Thank you, both of you.” Lily says before even thinking of touching her food. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Remus swipes a fry from her plate and munches happily on it. “All good, Lily.” He promises. “Now eat up before it gets cold.”

* * *

Lily asks for a week from Sirius and James.

One week where they don’t text or hang out in person, for her to deal with whatever episode she’s riding out, and try to change directions with a med change. A week to settle back in with Peter and figure out what the hell is going on in her head that made her bolt. She receives another string of heart emojis and a heartfelt _Do what u need to ok??_ in response and feels something that goes beyond even gratitude.  

She watches the Fourth of July parade with Remus and Peter. It’s a small affair with a few fire trucks, floats, and candy being tossed into the street for the kids. Other than that, things are mostly quiet. She has lunch with the gay round table, continues flipping cottages for Mrs. Meadowes, and spends the rest of the time adjusting to the drowsiness from her meds.

A week later she’s a little more balanced, somewhat closer to feeling like herself, when she meets them at Hope’s for dinner. Her first thought, upon seeing them sitting across from one another in a booth, is that they’re arguing. She can’t say about what, since they quit once they catch sight of her, but James is eyeing Sirius, who is clenching his jaw, with the kind of intensity that screams discord.

Their eyes find Lily and James’ expression smooths out into a bland smile, meanwhile Sirius dramatically flings himself backwards, so he’s no longer leaning over the table toward James.

“Hey, Evans.” James greets, at least attempting normalcy.

“What was all that about?” Lily asks, nudging Sirius aside so she can sit next to him in the booth.

He gives her a look, pleased that she asked, and drapes his arm over the back of the booth so she’s tucked neatly against his side.

“Yes, James. Do tell.” Sirius goads.

“Sirius, I swear-“

“Come off it, she’s an adult, James-“

“So it had something to do with me.” Lily guesses correctly, if James’ pinched expression is anything to go on. “You know, if the three of us are going to make a go of it again, we really need to get better at communication.”

That stops both of them in their tracks, briefly ending the pissy looks and attitudes.

“We are, are we?” Sirius is the first to speak, sounding delighted as he tugs a lock of her hair between his fingers.

“I’d like to.”

“Right. Good.” James grins. “And you’re right. Sirius should do better at this whole arguing thing.”

“Me?” Sirius squawks, abandoning Lily’s hair, which he’d been toying with, to glare at James. “Just for that, I’m running away with Lily.”

“When do we leave, dear?” Lily teases, batting her eyelashes at him.

Sirius grins, slinging an arm around her shoulders as James smiles and shakes his head.

“You two’d be miserable without me.”

“The arrogance.” Lily tsks.

“Unparalleled.” Sirius comments dryly.

The conversation is broken up by the appearance of Hope Lupin who flips to a fresh page in her notepad. “What are we having, kids?”

“Three burgers and fries.” Lily orders, knowing the order like the back of her hand. “No onion for Sirius. A side of mayo for James. And a chocolate shake for me.”

“It’ll be right out.”

“Thanks Hope.”

The rest of dinner goes on that way, with them mostly talking and teasing. After, in the parking lot, Lily blurts, “Come home with me.”

Sirius raises his eyebrows, looking fully on board, while James frowns as if thinking it over.

“Are you that eager for Peter to give us the shovel talk?” James asks. “Also, you have a tiny bed.”

“He won’t give you the shovel talk, please. You two were friends with him before I was.” Lily stands on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. “And it is tiny, but I’m not sleeping over at your place because then we’ll have to explain it to your parents, it’ll be a whole thing.”

“Do I have to tell Peter your too chicken to stay at his place? Is that the kind of man you are, James?” Sirius demands, always ready to tease his boyfriend.

In retaliation, James grabs Sirius by the shirt front, pulling him in until they’re standing chest to chest.

“You really are a shit stirrer, Black.” James admonishes almost fondly.

“I prefer to look at it as telling it like it is.”

James just groans, releasing him so Sirius can come to stand between James and Lily, putting his arm around them both.

“It’ll be fun, all jammed into one bed after Peter promises to inflict bodily harm if we hurt Evans.”

“He won’t do that.” Lily insists, only to have the whole thing end in a bet with unclear terms other than the fact that Peter will somehow work in the shovel talk over the course of the night.

* * *

“Tell me again what he said.” Lily demands that night as they get ready for bed.

“He said and I quote.” Sirius says, peeling his shirt off and flopping into the bed, which creaks ominously under his weight. “ _If you dick around with her, they’ll be finding pieces of you all over Godric’s Hollow_.”

“He did not say that!” Lily tries to whisper and ends up laughing as pulls on a pair of pajama bottoms.

Sirius’ eyes follow her movements for a beat too long before he seems to shake himself mentally.

“He sure did. Isn’t that right, James?”

“No.” James contradicts, running a hand through his riot of hair before joining Sirius in bed. “Actually, he told us not to hurt you or he’d enlist Remus to gut us like fish.”

“I don’t seem to remember that part of the speech.” Sirius says and scoots over in bed so Lily can flop between him and James, earning another groan from the bed.

It is a little ridiculous, the three of them squeezed in the way they are, but Lily enjoys Sirius slinging an arm around her waist and the way James tangles their legs together. She lets out a quiet hum, settling in with a small, sleepy smile before returning to their conversation.

“Peter didn’t say any of that.”

“He didn’t.” Sirius admits and Lily doesn’t even have to turn her head to see his smile because she can hear it in his voice.

“He did tell us not to be dicks, so I say it counts.” James adds.

“You’re both ridiculous.”

After that they lapse into silence. A faint, cool breeze drifts in through the open window and with James and Sirius on either side of her, breathing deeply, Lily drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, James awakens first. The next morning, he stirs and is out of bed by five thirty for his run.

“Don’t get up.” He tells Lily, dropping a kiss to her cheek as she blinks up at him. His hair is still an absolute wreck and he’s wearing a shirt that’s probably from high school and Lily wants nothing more than to reach for him with both hands, pull him back to bed.

Instead, Lily waves him away, carefully rolling away from Sirius, who is hogging approximately all the blankets, and gets out of bed to join him in the kitchen. Peter is still sleeping, since it’s the weekend, so it’s just the two of them as James steps into his shoes.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks quietly.

Lily’s still scrubbing a hand over her face groggily. “How’d you know?”

“Call it a gift.” James shrugs. “You’re thinking pretty hard over there.”

“What were you and Sirius arguing over last night before I got there?”

James pauses for a beat. “I don’t want to scare you off.”

“You think that’s possible?”

“Don’t know.” He considers her, seeing something that makes him continue. “If you agreed to try again, we wanted to ask you to move back with us when we go back to school next month.”

“Move back…really?”

“Of course, Sirius being Sirius, he just wanted to blurt it out. I wanted to wait to ask you, give it time.”

“And somehow.” Lily grins. “Sirius got his way, in the end.”

“Somehow.” James agrees. “Don’t say anything now, okay? You’ve got time to think it over. Forget I mentioned it, even.”

“Because that’s likely.”

Despite her uncertainty, Lily is smiling when James tugs her close and then closer still by the front of her t-shirt to kiss her breathless.

* * *

“So, James told me about your plans for me in August.”

It’s eight a.m. and Sirius’ face is still jammed in a pillow. Lily’s perched at the end of the bed, listening to the soft snuffling sounds he make, which she privately thinks are adorable, while James is off at breakfast with his parents.

“Plans?” Sirius murmurs, voice thick with sleep. “The only plans I have are sleeping until noon. Which you should also consider.”

“You and James want me to move in with you.” Lily clarifies.

“We do.” Sirius grunts, rolling over to face her, when it’s clear the conversation is happening and he won’t be left alone to sleep.

“Why?”

“Why not?” Sirius counters.

“I’m poor and plain.” Lily remarks, shriek-laughing when Sirius lunges for her, dragging her back onto the bed with him so they’re tucked together.

“You’re not.” Sirius promises. “Alright, maybe you’re financially challenged, but I’m wildly in love with you so you’re stuck with me. And James can tag along.” He jokes.

“What if I lived here still?” Lily asks, trying to be chill after the _wildly in love_ thing.

“That could work. Listen, you can live wherever you want. We can do this however you want. James and I just thought it would be good to see how we all work under the same roof.”

“Like actual adults.”

“It could have its perks.” Sirius drawls, fingers tracing along the small gap between where her shirt and pants met, sending a not unpleasant shiver through Lily.

“You’re an ass.” Lily says, but it lacks any real heat.

Sirius drops a kiss along the nape of her neck, smiling as he does so.

“James and I talked about it a lot. We want to come home to you, Evans, to have you there after a long day so we can just grab dinner, talk, do normal shit. But if you’re not ready, that’s okay, too.”

It’s Lily’s turn to kiss him, briefly, one hand cupping his cheek as she does.

“Thank you.”

 “Of course.” Sirius says, slapping her hip lightly. “Now, what do you say about bugging Pete for some breakfast?”

“If we’re good, maybe he’ll make pancakes and waffles.”

Sirius clambers over Lily, throwing himself out of bed as he hollers for Peter, sleep be damned, and Lily scrambles to keep up, laughing the whole way.


	6. August

“Sirius, realistically, do we need four boxes of cereal?”

“Need? I don’t know. Want? Yes.”

The trio are shopping, arguing back and forth over the contents of the cart as they make their way, aisle by aisle, through the store. In fact, they’re paying so little attention to their surroundings it’s not until their cart collides with another as they’re rounding a corner, that all three are jolted back to reality.

Lily snaps her mouth shut, mid-laugh, an apology already tumbling out when she glances up and realizes that she’s just rammed her cart into her mother’s. Linda Evans takes the three of them in with one long look, before her green gaze settles on Lily.

“Well, shit.” Sirius says unhelpfully.

“Mrs. Evans, hi.” James steps in, flashing her a smile while subtly removing his arm from around Lily’s waist. “Nice to see you. We’ll, uh, be over there, grabbing some…things, right, Sirius?”

Before Sirius can so much as utter a word, James has hauled him a safe distance away. The pair are very obviously watching Lily and her mom while pretending to look for the perfect tomato, whispering back and forth to one another.

Lily turns her back on them, trying to muster a smile.

“Hey, mom.”

“I heard you were back in town.” Her mom remarks, looking her over with a frown that doesn’t bode well.

Lily barely suppresses the urge to fidget.

“Staying with some friends.” Lily nods. “Yeah. Uh, how’s dad?”

“Your father’s fine.” The subtle _you’d know that if you called or stopped by_ hangs heavily between them, which is when Lily decides to bail.

“Good. That’s…great. I have to be going, but it was nice seeing you, mom.”

Lily doesn’t wait for a response. She ducks her head and maneuvers around her mom’s cart, toward the check out, with James and Sirius hot on her heels. For once, there’s absolute silence as they pay and load the bags into James’ car in the parking lot.

They’re almost to Peter’s when James glances over, takes one hand off the wheel and offers it to her. Lily takes it, giving him a watery smile before going back to staring out the window.

“Parents are hard.” Sirius declares from the backseat.

“Yeah, they are.” Lily mutters, knowing that out of all of them, Sirius knows this best.

Lily tries to banish the look on her mother’s face from her mind, the reproach she’s seen more times than she can count mingled with surprise and hurt. She’s unsuccessful, mostly because she’s never been good at putting aside the people that love her and hurt her anyway.

Lily doesn’t realize they’ve made it to Peter’s until they come to a stop and James shuts the car off, so he can turn to look at her.

“You okay?” James asks, squeezing her hand in his.

“Yeah. Just…you know, family shit.”

“Time for alcohol.” Sirius says cheerfully. “My go-to whenever I remember I have an actual, honest to God biological family out there.”

 “Or.” James suggests, twisting in his seat to look at his boyfriend. “We could, I don’t know, talk about our feelings? Just a suggestion. Don’t mind me, trying out different coping skills here.”

“Yeah, we’ll need alcohol for that.”

Sirius laughs at the look James gives him and soon James has yanked off his seatbelt, so he can half haul himself in the back and shove at Sirius, who only laughs harder and shoves him back. The car rocks and fills with laughter as Lily turns around to watch them.

Sirius catches her eye and shoves James, hard, one final time before nodding in her direction.

“How ‘bout it? Alcohol night? I’m buying.”

“Tempting.” Lily admits. “But I’m medicated, and I don’t want to fuck around with that.”

Sirius pouts for all of two seconds before hurling himself forward to kiss her cheek. He lingers there, briefly nuzzling her cheek while James watches, a helplessly soft look on his face.

“No alcohol, then. Just feelings, which I find appalling.”

“Same, honestly.” Lily laughs.

The trio duck out of the car in unison and begin the task of taking in the grocery bags, only to find Peter and Gideon cuddled up together inside, half falling asleep on the couch as an old movie flickers on the TV. Pete manages a brief, groggy hello and Gideon just smiles and waves as the trio make their way inside.

Lily takes care of the groceries, since she knows her way around the kitchen better than the other two and joins them a few minutes later in her bedroom. Sirius and James are already in bed, with just enough space between them for her to wiggle in, letting her head drop onto a pillow with a deep sigh.

“So.” Sirius asks, nudging Lily none too gently. “What did mama Evans have to say?”

“Well, she didn’t call me a freak in front of the entire store, so that’s a win, right?” Lily laughs without humor and feels the bed shift as James leans in to drape an arm around her. “It was too quick for us to get into it but she, like, radiated disappointment. Probably because I’ve been here this whole time and haven’t stopped in to kiss Petunia’s ass and listen to what a disappointment I am.”

“Fuck that.” James says hotly. “You don’t owe them shit.”

“Not a thing.” Sirius agrees.

“Can we all agree never to go shopping on a Thursday night again then because if it happens again I’ll have to run away screaming.”

“Have to, huh?” Sirius grins.

“Yeah, it’s in the crazy daughter handbook. Obviously, you haven’t read it.”

“He was too preoccupied with the jackass’s anonymous handbook.” James quips, letting out a snort when Sirius leans over Lily, attempting to shove him off the bed.

* * *

Things are good.

Summer is winding down, which means less tourists to clog the streets. The grocery store no longer runs out of bread and hot dog buns and the town is actually enjoyable.

 Lily still goes on her runs with James. She meets up with Remus for lunch, sees the gay round table before they go back to school, and keeps Dorcas updated with lots of texting. She enjoys quality time with Pete

Things are good, until Sirius is impatient.

“So.” He says one morning when James is on a solo run, far too early for Lily’s taste. “About moving in with me and James…”

“What about it?” Lily asks, preoccupied with the local paper she’s reading.

Sirius frowns and hops up so he’s sitting on the counter, drumming his fingers on his jean clad thigh.

“I mean, it’s August. Time’s kind of running out.”

“Running out?” Lily echoes. She shakes her head. “I wasn’t aware there was a deadline here.”

“James and I are leaving in a week-“ Sirius starts.

“I’m very aware of that.” Lily counters, frowning. “I haven’t decided yet, Sirius, okay?”

“So, you’re not coming.” His voice is flat, and his back is stiff, and Lily knows they’re careening toward an argument, but she can’t quite curb her own temper.

“Did I say I wasn’t coming?”

“It’ll be just like last time.” Sirius says, clearly no longer listening. “We’ll leave and then things will fall apart because you won’t come.”

“Wait.” Lily holds up a hand. “Weren’t you the one who told me that I could do what works for me? Live where I want, that things would be fine?”

“Yes, but-“

“But you were just telling me what I wanted to hear. Okay, cool, Sirius. Noted.”

“Hey, I was not! I’m not allowed to be disappointed?”

“You can feel however you want without dumping on me.” Lily points out. “Why don’t you give that a try?”

“You know what? I’m out of here.” Sirius hops off the counter, unable to look at Lily as he makes his way to the door.

“Why don’t you come back when you stop being a melodramatic jerk?”

“Or, maybe,” Sirius suggests. “I’ll be back when you can handle shit like moving in with me and James, like an adult.”

“You’re such an asshole, Sirius.”

“Glad we got that sorted.” Sirius laughs without humor, before slamming the door behind him.

* * *

That night, a knock sounds at Lily’s closed door.

“Come in.”

“You’re being kidnapped.” Peter announces in the doorway.

Sirius stands behind him, going for cocky despite his hunched shoulders and the uncertainty in his gaze.

“Not kidnapped. Jesus, Pete.” Sirius scowls before looking to Lily once again. “A ride through town, if you want.”

Lily assesses Sirius briefly, considers her own feelings. She’s still angry from earlier, and hurt at having her caution thrown back in her face, reduced to something childish. She could say no, send Sirius on his way.

But she’s already made up her mind, really, before he even finished asking.

“You still have a helmet for me?”

“You can have mine.”

“Sirius…” Lily warns.

“Kidding. Yes, I still have it.” Sirius smiles for the first time that night. “You coming?”

“Yeah. Let me grab a sweater.”

It’s cool outside, but not cold by any means, or cool enough to deter either of them from a ride through town. The motorcycle roars to life and Lily just shakes her head, hopping on behind Sirius. She holds on to his jacket, resists the urge to rest her head against his back, in favor of watching their sleepy town pass by as the bike rumbles through.

The shops are closed for the day and there’s next to no traffic as they take to the side streets. They pass the park where Lily and James run, the Potter’s, and loop around back to Peter’s. It takes all of fifteen minutes for them to ride past their haunts, but it’s enough Lily thinks as she dismounts and pulls off her helmet.

“So.”

“So. Sorry.” Sirius shrugs, uncomfortable with apologies. “About earlier.”

“Me, too.”

“I want.” Sirius huffs out a breath, unable to look at Lily as he continues. “I want you with us, and instead of just saying that, I made you feel like shit.”

“I said some things, too.” Lily admits. “Because I was hurt.”

“How about we try not to hurt each other, then. In the future.” Sirius suggests, gaze flicking to her.

“I think that’s a good policy.”

In the brief silence that follows, Lily takes Sirius’ hand, trusting him now not to hurt her.

“What do you want, Sirius?”

“I’d like it if you came with me and James. Moved into our place, so it’s the three of us.” Sirius said, steady, sure.

“In a week?”

“Ideally, yeah. What do you think?”

“I’m afraid.” Lily admits. “Not just of that, but of everything. This anxiety, it makes me feel terrified of pretty much everything.”

“What can I do?”

She uses the hand she’s holding on to to tug him toward her. Their bodies collide, bumping together clumsily, and Lily rests her head on his shoulder. He slings an arm around her waist, kissing the bit of forehead he can reach, lightly.

“You’re doing it.” Lily tells him.

* * *

When she’s back inside, Lily begins packing.

At least now she doesn’t have to pretend she isn’t terrified.


	7. The Move

“You sure you’ve got everything?”

“I’m sure.” Lily touches Peter arm and he moves instinctively to take her hand in order to give it a squeeze. “We’ve checked at least twice.”

“Right.” Peter nods, ducks his head briefly and shuffles in place before letting go. “Don’t go running off and forgetting this place, okay?” He says gruffly. 

“I’ll visit so much you’ll get sick of me.” Lily promises, trying to smile despite the lump in her throat.

Outside, there’s a chorus of beeps as a car pulls in the driveway, and then several more for good measure. The radio is blaring so loud they can hear it from inside, causing them to share a knowing look.

“Sirius must be the one driving.” Peter observes with a fond roll of his eyes. 

“I’m surprised they made it over in one piece.” Lily counters.

Moments later there’s a series of light knocks at the front door before it flies open to reveal Sirius scowling at James who closes the door with a shake of his head.

“See, the point of knocking?” James is saying. “Is to give notice, so someone can let you in.”

“You’re approximately zero fun.” Sirius replies, nudging him for good measure. He catches sight of Lily and Peter and throws his arms open wide. “It’s moving day!” 

Lily’s stomach pitches somewhere near her toes with nerves. She’s been drilling it into her own head that she’s ready, she can do this. Sure, her reconciliation with James and Sirius is still fresh, and yes, her mental health is still largely up in the air. But she’s doing this. She committed herself and she wants to want to try. 

At least she’s pretty sure she does. 

“Make yourself useful.” Peter tells Sirius. “And help me with the bags.”

James waits until they’re alone, the other two outside, their good natured bickering carrying through the open windows, to approach Lily. He places both hands on either of her arms, rubbing them soothingly, with a knowing look. 

“You okay?”

“Sure.” Lily nods. “All good. Never better.”

“You look ready to bolt.” 

Before Lily can respond, with a simple nod or by throwing herself into his arms, the front door opens and this time Remus enters looking harried. 

“Sorry, sorry. Traffic was a nightmare. I’m glad you’re still here” He smiles at the pair of them, greeting James with a hug and then one for Lily, before holding her at arms length. “Are you sure you want to live with those two? They’re messy.”

“And loud.” Peter adds, coming in through the front door.

“Sirius burns water.”

“James leaves his running clothes around and they’re smelly.” Peter adds with a grin as James offers a glare.

“If you two scare her off, we’re going to fight.” Sirius declares, following Peter inside. 

“I’m not scared off.” Lily promises, voice coming out sure and clear.

James moves to her side, eyeing her carefully, and takes her hand in his.

* * *

 

The drive is fun.

They’re still in Peter’s driveway, arguing over who gets shotgun when James rolls his eyes, grabs the keys from Sirius and designates Lily up front and Sirius in the back.

“Bossy.” Lily points out, getting into the passenger seat after waving to Peter and Remus who are standing on the front stoop.

“Only child thing.” Sirius mutters, just loud enough for James to hear. “He can’t help himself.”

The radio is up too loud for them to really talk, and they each prefer it that way, listening to Sirius’ carefully crafted road trip playlist. They sing along, terribly, with the windows down and the August sunshine warming the car.

Lily does her best not to think too far ahead. There’s only the drive, and Sirius and James, who are so at ease it would almost be baffling if it wasn’t their home they are returning to. It’s their apartment, with shared memories; lazy days in bed together, studying, fights, and everything in between in the natural ebb and flow of their lives, only now they’re throwing Lily into it.

At the core of the matter is the fact that Lily’s not sure she’ll fit. As a trio, they did well together cuddled up in Peter’s spare bedroom because it was an escape from reality. Lily knows that, but she’s not sure James and Sirius do. It was easy for them to hide away for a little while, to block out the everyday stresses that they’ll face together now. 

All too soon, James pulls to a stop in front of an older, industrial looking building. Lily nearly laughs at the sight of it, mutters something about the pair of them having expensive taste, before James turns the music down and Sirius casts aside his seat belt to lean forward between Lily and James.

“What, you don’t like it? It costs-” Sirius says, preparing to brag.

“Let’s not, uh, go there right now.” James cuts him off with a meaningful look in the rear view mirror. 

Sirius holds up both hands before throwing open his door and retreating around back to grab their bags.

“James.”

“Hmm?” He says innocently.

“This place… it costs more than a year in my old place, doesn’t it?”

“It’s… pricey. But I think you’ll really love it.” 

“I can’t just-” Lily starts, only to be interrupted by Sirius knocking at the drivers side window.

“Come on, lovebirds. Time for the grand tour.”

The thing of it is: Lily really does love it. Once inside, she drops her bags and begins investigating the loft, only to find that it is the exact opposite of what she pictured. The furniture is simple, light colored and plush, homey and inviting to contrast the exposed pipes and dark interior. 

She marvels at it a bit, takes in the fact that, for however long this lasts, this is home. For their part, James and Sirius stand shoulder to shoulder, watching her with almost identical curious expressions. 

Lily’s investigating is interrupted by a streak of black darting from one of the back bedrooms, through the kitchen and into the living room where it begins winding around Lily’s legs, rubbing against her and purring. 

“There she is.” James says fondly.

“A cat?” She laughs, reaching down to let the feline sniff her before giving her some love. “Which one of you decided to get a cat?”

“We thought Pearl would make a good addition to the family.” Sirius offers, swooping in to pick up the cat in question, who looks less than impressed for all of two seconds before snuggling against his chest. 

“Our neighbor’s been looking after her while we’re gone.” James explains, planting a noisy kiss on the cats head. “What do you think?”

“She’s pretty cute.” Lily tells him, crowding Sirius and James for a turn at petting her.

* * *

 

They have another week to themselves before classes start. Most of that week is spent together watching Netflix, after first breaking in the bed with the three of them for the first time.

It starts that night with Lily throwing herself into the king size bed so a grinning James can kiss her, working his way from her lips down with Sirius helping her out of her clothes, and ends with the three of them in a breathless tangle of limbs. 

“We never had any problems with this part.” Lily remarks, smiling contentedly as Sirius strokes a hand through her hair. 

“It was always too easy for us.” Sirius agrees, stretching with a happy groan.

“James, you alive over there?” Lily nudges him with one foot.

“I think we killed him.”

“It was pretty good.” Lily agrees.

“Just pretty good?” James grunts, rolling over to face them. “What about spectacular, or breathtaking?”

“There he is. Alive and well to defend his skills in bed.” Sirius says fondly. 

Lily lifts her head off Sirius’ chest, reaching so she can plant a kiss on James’ sweaty forehead. “It was phenomenal.”

“Earth-shattering.” Sirius drawls, earning a laugh from Lily who tries her best not to.

“You’re both the worst.” James rolls over again, until Lily and Sirius complain loudly enough for him to re-join them. 

The rest of the week flies by and then Lily’s with them on campus, watching as they pay through the nose for books and talk about classes and which professors are guaranteed to drain the life out of them. 

Lily listens and holds their hands, barely bothered by any of the stares as the trio make their way around. After all, it’s a college campus and there have been weirder sights than them, surely. 

On their way home, Lily asks Sirius to pull over and stops in a cute little cafe with a help wanted sign in the window. She talks to the owner, an older, no nonsense woman who asks her to come back in a few days for an interview. Lily beams on her way out the door and can’t stop once she’s back in the car.

“What was that about?” Sirius asks, checking over his shoulder before pulling back into the hectic traffic. 

“I have an interview on Tuesday.” 

Sirius checks the rear view mirror where James is sitting before muttering. “Uh oh.”

The argument doesn’t start until they’re home. Sirius is at the kitchen table, eating an apple and watching raptly as James and Lily go back and forth. 

“Lily, you don’t need a job.”

Sirius snorts at James’ commanding tone and only laughs harder when James turns to glare at him. “You want to give us a minute?”

“Not really, no.”

“He can stay.” Lily shoots back, scooping a cuddly Pearl into her arms and leaning against one of the counter tops. “It’s not like he won’t hear us, this place has practically no walls. And.” Lily says, getting back to the point. “I do need a job. My car is sitting at Peter’s because I can’t afford insurance or gas, and I want it back sooner rather than later.”

“And you’ll make enough working at that cafe?” James demands.

“Maybe I’ll get a second job. I don’t have it all figured out, okay?” 

“Lily, what if… I mean, you quit your job only a few months ago because you  _ couldn’t  _ work. What happens if you can’t again?”

“I don’t know.” Lily says, mostly into Pearl’s fur because she can’t look at James anymore.  She can’t stand to see the look on his face, so she just shakes her head, staring down at the counter top. “What else am I going to do, hang out with Pearl all day?”

“You can start by getting on our insurance. We’ll bring your car back, so you can get around-”

“I can’t let you foot the bill for everything, James you know how I feel about that.” Lily cuts him off, glancing up in time to catch the stubborn look on his face.

“And why not? Lily, it’s just money.”

“You don’t get it because you’ve always had it.” Lily says wearily. She sets Pearl back on the floor and goes to the table so she’s sitting across from Sirius, who is still taking in the conversation like it’s a tennis match. “If I can work, I’m going to work. If I can’t, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I’m already eating your food and living here rent free. I don’t want to add anymore to that, okay?”

“But it’s nothing. It’s not.” James plows a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “It’s not a big deal to me because I didn’t do anything to earn it. It’s just sitting there, and maybe I want to use it to take care of you because otherwise what’s the point of having it?”

“You are taking care of me. By letting me stay here, and be with you. Both of you. Just… let me do this, James. Let me try, even if you don’t understand it.”

They stare at one another for a few seconds, at a standstill, until James’ shoulders slump forward. “Okay. Just… we’ll see how it goes, alright? We’re always here if you need backup.”

“And I appreciate that. More than you know.” 

James nods and soon he’s smiling, holding open his arms for her to step into. There’s a beat of silence as he holds her, before Sirius discards his apple and walks by, nudging them none too gently on his way to the living room.

“Alright, you’ve had your moment. Time for Netflix, yeah?” 

“You are.” James sputters. “A moment ruiner, you know that?”

They argue over Sirius’ neediness, plopping down together on the couch, automatically making a space for Lily between them as she rolls her eyes without any real annoyance and grabs the remote, settling in for their last night of freedom before school. 


End file.
